I find myself having to catch my emotional breakdowns and hatred over what appears to be "happy" couples. It comes to the point where I just put my phone on silent and flip it over in order to not sit and scroll to the wonderful quotes and pictures that constantly prove to me how much of a failure I've become at finding.... no keeping love.
The pity parties are real and sometimes I just cry myself to sleep, because I can't understand why I can't find the happiness thats portrayed. Of course you never know what goes on behind closed doors, and of course there are many who stunt on social media just to pretend that they're living the life they believe they deserve. Me... well it's not that easy to misrepresent. I hate their transparency and growth that have led them to be 40, happily married, successful, and blah blah blah. While I'm just making it to 39, I hate my job, my boyfriend is still in love with his ex, and my ex just got married two months ago.
Why can't I be happy? Why can't I understand the purpose of love to the point that I embrace it rather than running away? I've had moments of that butterfly feeling; I call it the 24 hour love bug. I'm so excited and filled with passion for a full day; showing my honey affection, completing needed projects at work so I can hurry home, keeping a smile on my face (even in front of those I despise), because I've found love. My happy is here but I don't know how long it will stay.
I will just keep living my love life thru those hiding being their screen of perfection.