Coming to Grips...
It took me a few months to come to grips with the fact that I may be dealing with more than stress. Everyday I would come home and drink 2...maybe 3 glasses of wine. I would roll a blount, and just lay in the dark, in silence. All of this to quiet my mind and ease the anxiety that had my heart racing constantly.
It came to a point that my sleep pattern was way off; I would wake up numerous times in the middle of the night, and sometimes it felt like eternity for me to even fall asleep. This led me to use my breaks at work for naps, and I even caught myself dozing off while stuck in traffic. I decided that taking NyQuil would help me get a little rest... and it did. It definitely knocked me out! Not to mention the wine mixed with NyQuil became the best nightcap ever.
I was hooked and didn't know it. My system became reliant on these drugs and I couldn't control it. Then one day my body and mind completely shut down. I couldn't get out the bed; I was so drained and worn down. I was having a nervous breakdown. See, all the while I was coming home and coping with the stress thru various highs...'my job was still keeping me low. I was falling apart, and I needed help.
I checked out my company's benefits and remembered that they offered EAP programs for their employees; this allowed me to have 3 free visits with a therapist who told me that I was suffering with severe depression and anxiety, and that I needed treatment. Hearing so many stories about how the medication made you feel lost on space, I was opposed at first. Then I realized, what could be worse than what I'm putting into my body now.
It's been 6 months on my anti-depressant meds, and I feel great... much better than my testimony. The help of this treatment along with weekly sessions with my therapist saved me from being strung out and burnt out. Not being afraid to ask for help saved my life; now I'm taking control of myself.
Adrian Samson (GettyImages)