I Love You, but You Trigger Me
Being in love is a wonderful blessing that sometimes manifests into a lifelong commitment. Whether it’s family, a friend, or a partner/spouse, true love can sometimes put us in a box full of questionable boundaries and loyalty beyond the true toxicity of the relationship. Being raised in a single-parent household it was a challenge to understand the true meaning of ‘love.’ Yes, I saw the love that my mother showed me, my sister, and stepfather, but I didn’t understand why she would compromise so much just to prove her love. Compromises are always taught to be the ‘necessity’ within a relationship, but at what cost? When you begin to compromise your self-care and self-love, you become destined to live in stress, bitterness, and depression.
I’ve seen many women, such as myself, fall victim to trying their best to please so many that they end up fighting mental and physical ailments. Another example is staying within a dysfunctional relationship that you know isn’t going anywhere, yet, you try your best to make it work—only in effort to make your partner happy or to save face among friends and family. Truth is that it’s not up to your family or friends to dictate what relationship you should stay within. If you are constantly questioning your value, constantly feeling like you’ve lost peace of mind, or constantly taking up for bad behavior –you are hurting yourself in the long run.
Friends and family can also be a detriment to your mental health as well. Are they always displaying toxic behavior (gossip, lies, and betrayal?) Do they make you feel like you’re in a competition with them every time you link up? That my dear is not the kind of love that’s needed. It’s important to learn the behavior of yourself as well as others; ask yourself why you welcome certain behaviors, assess the pros and cons of making yourself the common denominator within these failing relationships. Are you constantly searching for love in the wrong person for YOU? Loyalty is wonderful, but it must start from within. Being loyal to your mental wellness is key to living a peaceful life. You can love people with your whole heart, but if they bring out the triggers in your mind, you may have to walk away. Some ways to identify those who may bring out common mental health triggers:
(1) You find yourself always sad vs. happy around them OR after being around them.
(2) Everything they say or do seem to make you feel worthless and/or uncomfortable.
(3) You lack trust in them.
(4) They remind you of the past.
(5) You’re more at peace when not around them.
Triggers are uncontrollable—but manageable. Not all triggers are created equal. You will always be around things and people who may cause you to revert back to a not-so-good emotional state. The one thing to keep in mind is “HOW DOES THIS MAKE ME FEEL”? Understand what you need, and take steps needed to maintain mental wellness.