Shut Down's Happen. How You Handle Them is Up to You.
Getting out of this latest funk has been more difficult than ever! Everyday is a mood, and quite frankly I'm too exhausted to do anything with anyone. I've been on hide-out mode ever since coming back from vacation. You would think being in the Caribbean would bring all kinds of smiles and happy recaps, but instead I literally cried while looking at all of the photos from the experience. I was huge! Like --- stocky huge. Yes, I love being thick in all the right places, but these photos proved that my emotional eating had gotten way out of hand. Going anywhere else looking the way I looked and felt was not an option. I could hear old friends and associates saying "damn, she gained a lot of weight" in my head. I just knew I had become that 'fat' friend now.
Not to fat-shame anyone, all sizes are beautiful; however it's a huge blow to a person's self-esteem to see yourself in a different light than what you have been before. I'm used to being the in-shape, happy, and eventful person. Lately, I've just existed. Eating has been my way of coping, and although I do try and work out, it's just not enough to combat the unhealthy eating choices. Especially when I skip my work out sessions due to just wanting to go home and sleep. In addition to realizing that I will never go back to a size 8, I also realized that my relationships with those that I've called 'friend' had changed. Let's not even discuss the roller coaster within my marriage. Everything just felt like it was falling apart, and I couldn't catch a break or get a grip.
One day it had gotten so bad that any bad news would send me in a crying frenzy. I wasn't performing my best at work, and I just knew that I was heading towards a breakdown. It's been a challenge. The good thing is that I'm always up for a challenge! I decided to re-focus my thoughts into positive affirmations, and began to visit my therapist more frequently. I also exercised everyday-- even if it was for 20 minutes, and changed my eating habits. Everyday isn't perfect, and sometimes there are days where I do want to be closed off from people, but I'm learning how to have my 'shut down' time and then get back up and try again.
Have you found yourself in 'shut down?' Totally isolated and lack enthusiasm? It may be time to seek therapy. Therapy is the best way to talk your way thru your circumstance.